(un)expected joy

after a few days of finally feeling good,
i was hit hard with a day of feeling really bad...
all day nausea, overwhelming fatigue,
and not just that, but feeling really bad for myself, as well.
so after surviving lunch... feeding everyone and force feeding myself,
mara joy took a blissfully long nap,
and the rest of us settled in a for a children's film on the couch.
the kids decided to learn about a different culture every month,
and this month it's japan.
(the cherry blossom festival is happening around town.)
well, for the last two months, i decided we would get
as much use as we could out of our netflix account...
viewing children's films from our country of the month...
and hopefully surviving the first trimester in the process.
anyway, while the kids were drawn into a sweet film
about a girl who loves to read and yearns to write,
i rested on the couch and, well, felt bad... for myself.
and while i was lying there, i felt the first tumble of baby in my belly.
one might imagine, after five times, this is not quite so exhilarating...
in fact, i don't think i had even thought about feeling movement yet,
but as soon as i felt it, i knew what it was,
and i felt overjoyed... and pretty guilty, as well.
my suffering has been far from in vain,
and God reminded me of that just at the time i needed it.
another person will be a part of the world because of it...
another child... a completely unique creation,
with the potential to love God and love people.
enough said... i'll just need to read this a few times
to remind myself in the next few weeks.